NUH Ward 56 Bed 7 (Part 1)

It all started on that fateful day, I don’t remember the date... so it’s just THAT day akin to the initial second of Genesis...from whence we get the concept of time zero...and the subject for the greatest debate between scientists and them religious people. But wait that topic is too passé, my story has nothing to do with God or Science (note my political correctness: capital S for Science as opposed to a capital G for God).
Now that I have appositely shown that chronology is for authors who are too stiff, and that I cannot remember dates; it is time the story moved ahead. It all started on...wait done already... well in any case I suddenly found that I was having an odd pain in my back (it wasn’t all the way back...but kind of somewhere in the middle, just for your info). I thought it was JUST a backache, so I thought ill of the canteen dude (for giving me gas or something) and decided to just to sleep on it, (now that I think about it, I think the gel for aches was still in the bag that I had not opened yet so I was just too indolent...so I decided to wait for the pain to subside). But around 12 am, the pain started to bother me to the extent that I could not sleep, or lie in one position. I don’t like to advertise, but I have seen more than my share of physical pain in my life but this was nothing like anything I had experienced before, I knew almost immediately that something new was afoot.
The timing could not have been worse, my hostel (PGPR) was in a state of vacation and all my friends were on break, save a few. So I called the first name that popped up when I opened my contact list. My good friend Arti, the humanitarian, the dog lover and the self proclaimed lesbian (attracted to long-legged Russian waitresses). So I called her up expeditiously, wondering what state of mood she would be in, the conversation we had was brief and to the point.
I said, “Hello”. Arti (most unimaginative) answered, “Hello, Hello”.
“Nice weather this”, I said (I am a good conversationalist and know that all good chinwags start with the weather...but Arti unfortunately knew nothing of manners). “It’s too damn hot”, she replied curtly. Taken aback by the shortness of the reply I decided that my next line... ‘I hope the weather remains this way’ would be a waste of my breath, so I delved in to the subject directly.
I put it as succinctly as possible, “I am having a pain in my back which is not letting me sleep and is moving down to the front of my body; I think I should go to the hospital. Would you please accompany there?”
“Sure, Foyer in 10 minutes.”, she replied.
For the next 7 minutes I realised 2 things, lesbians are nice people actually (though they nag a lot about the weather) and that I was still the master conversationalist...the key was the question about the weather...that is what set the ball rolling, I feel for the lesser masses (sigh!).
In any case, we caught a cab to NUH A&E (Accident and Emergency). I relayed my situation to the lady at the front desk. She nodded all the way and asked me to pee in a bottle. So I went to the nearest male lavatory and peed in the bottle. Then I looked at the bottle, I was expecting a shade of yellow, instead the contents of the bottle had a reddish coloration. I let out a shriek of anguish. Hiding the bottle from general public (you try showing off your bloody pee to the public...it isn’t funny ... stop laughing!!) I gave it to the lady, who gave me a couple of ticks of her tongue, a disappointed nod and a waiting ticket (reminding me of my class 2 teacher when giving me my test results). So after the standard 3 hour wait, I was given an appointment with a urologist, some digestive sachet thingamajigs and the company of a friend who had to go to work the next day, who couldn’t complain for the sake of her friend’s (that would be ME) feelings (know this Arti I pitied you...intermittently...whenever I took my eyes of the television and had nothing else to do!!).
All said and done, we took a cab back to the PGPR. I went directly to my room. For the next few days I suffered watching my pee gush out with an abnormal reddish hue. The pain in a few days became spasmodic and bearable but still I wasn’t feeling good. My appetite suffered (this is the part that really hurt... I love good food and my lack of an appetite was killing me inside. Sob sob sob!! )
Then the day of the appointment with the urologist arrived with a roll of thunder...the rain gods were a displeased lot...a heavy shower ensued as soon as I left my room. Cursing everything that caught my angry gaze I made my way to NUH. After the standard 3 hour wait I met my doctor.
In all fairness she was an excellent doctor and she helped me out, but the things that happened inside that room are going to haunt me till I am in my coffin or till I get my next kidney stone, whichever one is earlier.
I am bereft of shame and tact; I will lay down my facts as ‘barely’ as possible. Firstly, we discussed my condition, i.e. what a renal stone was and what are the treatments. After that she told me to lie down on the bed, I obediently obliged. She used that scanning machine thing (you know the one that shows the kid inside the mother’s womb) to see my kidneys,
“They are slightly enlarged, I am pretty sure you have a stone”, she said. “Oh!” , I replied (my voice barely audible to myself).
Her next few words put me off a bit.
“Take of your pants please Siva”. My heart jumped a beat, I mean...its...its...its...weird..no...awkward...you know...you are a guy...and well...but....you get it right.


..........To Be Continued