RAMayana (CS2106 style)

LAN, LAN ago, in the SYSTEM of I/O-dhya, there ruled a PROCESSOR named DOS-rat.

Once he EXECUTED a great sacrifice PROGRAM after which his queens gave an OUTPUT of four SUNs - RAM, LSIman, BUG-rat and SED-rughana.


RAM the eldest was a MICROCHIP with excellent MEMORY. His brothers,
however, were only PERIPHERAL ICs.

Once when RAM was only 16MB, he married princess C ta.

12 years passed and DOS-rat decided to INSTALL RAM as his
successor.However, Queen CIE/CAE(Kayegayee), who was once offered a boon by DOS-rat for a lifesaving HELP COMMAND, took this opportunity at the instigation of her BIOSed maid and insisted that her son Bug-rat be INSTALLED and that RAM be CUT-N-PASTED to the forest for 14 years. At this cruel and unexpected demand, a SURGE passed through DOS-rat and he CRASHED like unstable version of AI MSN does in intel.

RAM agreed to LOG INTO forest and C ta insisted to LOGIN with him.
LSI-man also resolved on LOGGING IN with his brother.

The forest was the dwelling of SPARCnakha, the TRAN-SISTOR of RAW-van,
PROCESSOR of LAN-ka. Attracted by RAM, she proposed that he should marry her. RAM, politely declined, perceiving C ta to be his SOURCE CODE.

She hastened to kill her but LSI-man cut her inportant PERIPHERALS.
Weeping, SPARC-nakha fled to LAN-ka, where RAW-van, moved by TRAN-SIS TOR s plight, approached his uncle MAR-icha. MAR-icha REPROGRAMED himself to form a golden stag and drew RAM deep into the forest. Finally, RAM shot the deer, which, with his last breath, cried out for LSI-man in voice of RAM s SOUND CARD. Fooled by this VIRTUAL RAM SOUND, C ta urged LSI-man to his brother s aid.

Catching the opportunity, RAW-van DELINKED C ta from her LIBRARY and
changed her ROOT DIRECTORY to LAN-ka.

------------------INTERVAL ----------------

RAM and LSI-man started SEARCHING for the missing C ta all over the
forest. They made friendship with the forest SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR SU-greev and his powerful co-processor Ha-NEUMAN, who agreed to help RAM. SU-greev ordered his PROGRAMMERS to use powerful SEARCH techniques learnt in CS1102 to FIND the missing C ta.

His PROGRAMMERS SEARCHED allaround the INTER-NETworked forests. Many tried to EXCITE the birds and animals not to forget the WEBCRAWLERS (Insects) and tried to INFOSEEK something about C ta.

Some of them even shouted YAA-HOO but they all ended up with NO FOUND MESSAGES Google, Lycos nothing was left untouched.

Ha-NEUMAN then devised a RISCy TECHNOLOGY and used it to cross the seas at an astonishing CLOCK SPEED.

Soon Ha-NEUMAN DOWNLOADED himself into LAN-ka. Ha-NEUMAN
found C ta under a brown - green (as Brahma will call it) TREE STRUCTURE Ha-NEUMAN used the LOGIN ID (ring) to identify himself to C ta.

After DECRYPTING THE KEY, C ta asked him to send STATUS_OK MESSAGE to RAM.

Meanwhile all raakshasa BUGS around C ta captured Ha-NEUMAN to DELETE him using everything including Ctrl-Alt-Del.

But Ha-NEUMAN spread chaos by spreading VIRUS Fire . Ha-NEUMAN pressed ESCAPE from LAN-kaand & conveyed all the STATUS MESSAGES to RAM and SU-greev. RAW-wan decided to take RAM head-on. One of the RAW-wan s SUN almost DELETED LSI-man with a Brahma -astra.

But Ha-NEUMAN resorted to some ACTIVE-Xgradients and REFORMATTED LSI-man. RAM used the SOURCE CODE secrets of RAW-wan and wiped out RAW-wan s presence on earth.

Later, RAM got INSTALLED in I/O-dhya and spreaded his USER FRIENDLY PROGRAMS to all USERS and everyone lived happily ever after, playing & enjoying AOE.


(PS:- thanks to rajan anna...)

NUH Ward 56 Bed 7 (Part 1)

It all started on that fateful day, I don’t remember the date... so it’s just THAT day akin to the initial second of Genesis...from whence we get the concept of time zero...and the subject for the greatest debate between scientists and them religious people. But wait that topic is too passé, my story has nothing to do with God or Science (note my political correctness: capital S for Science as opposed to a capital G for God).
Now that I have appositely shown that chronology is for authors who are too stiff, and that I cannot remember dates; it is time the story moved ahead. It all started on...wait done already... well in any case I suddenly found that I was having an odd pain in my back (it wasn’t all the way back...but kind of somewhere in the middle, just for your info). I thought it was JUST a backache, so I thought ill of the canteen dude (for giving me gas or something) and decided to just to sleep on it, (now that I think about it, I think the gel for aches was still in the bag that I had not opened yet so I was just too indolent...so I decided to wait for the pain to subside). But around 12 am, the pain started to bother me to the extent that I could not sleep, or lie in one position. I don’t like to advertise, but I have seen more than my share of physical pain in my life but this was nothing like anything I had experienced before, I knew almost immediately that something new was afoot.
The timing could not have been worse, my hostel (PGPR) was in a state of vacation and all my friends were on break, save a few. So I called the first name that popped up when I opened my contact list. My good friend Arti, the humanitarian, the dog lover and the self proclaimed lesbian (attracted to long-legged Russian waitresses). So I called her up expeditiously, wondering what state of mood she would be in, the conversation we had was brief and to the point.
I said, “Hello”. Arti (most unimaginative) answered, “Hello, Hello”.
“Nice weather this”, I said (I am a good conversationalist and know that all good chinwags start with the weather...but Arti unfortunately knew nothing of manners). “It’s too damn hot”, she replied curtly. Taken aback by the shortness of the reply I decided that my next line... ‘I hope the weather remains this way’ would be a waste of my breath, so I delved in to the subject directly.
I put it as succinctly as possible, “I am having a pain in my back which is not letting me sleep and is moving down to the front of my body; I think I should go to the hospital. Would you please accompany there?”
“Sure, Foyer in 10 minutes.”, she replied.
For the next 7 minutes I realised 2 things, lesbians are nice people actually (though they nag a lot about the weather) and that I was still the master conversationalist...the key was the question about the weather...that is what set the ball rolling, I feel for the lesser masses (sigh!).
In any case, we caught a cab to NUH A&E (Accident and Emergency). I relayed my situation to the lady at the front desk. She nodded all the way and asked me to pee in a bottle. So I went to the nearest male lavatory and peed in the bottle. Then I looked at the bottle, I was expecting a shade of yellow, instead the contents of the bottle had a reddish coloration. I let out a shriek of anguish. Hiding the bottle from general public (you try showing off your bloody pee to the public...it isn’t funny ... stop laughing!!) I gave it to the lady, who gave me a couple of ticks of her tongue, a disappointed nod and a waiting ticket (reminding me of my class 2 teacher when giving me my test results). So after the standard 3 hour wait, I was given an appointment with a urologist, some digestive sachet thingamajigs and the company of a friend who had to go to work the next day, who couldn’t complain for the sake of her friend’s (that would be ME) feelings (know this Arti I pitied you...intermittently...whenever I took my eyes of the television and had nothing else to do!!).
All said and done, we took a cab back to the PGPR. I went directly to my room. For the next few days I suffered watching my pee gush out with an abnormal reddish hue. The pain in a few days became spasmodic and bearable but still I wasn’t feeling good. My appetite suffered (this is the part that really hurt... I love good food and my lack of an appetite was killing me inside. Sob sob sob!! )
Then the day of the appointment with the urologist arrived with a roll of thunder...the rain gods were a displeased lot...a heavy shower ensued as soon as I left my room. Cursing everything that caught my angry gaze I made my way to NUH. After the standard 3 hour wait I met my doctor.
In all fairness she was an excellent doctor and she helped me out, but the things that happened inside that room are going to haunt me till I am in my coffin or till I get my next kidney stone, whichever one is earlier.
I am bereft of shame and tact; I will lay down my facts as ‘barely’ as possible. Firstly, we discussed my condition, i.e. what a renal stone was and what are the treatments. After that she told me to lie down on the bed, I obediently obliged. She used that scanning machine thing (you know the one that shows the kid inside the mother’s womb) to see my kidneys,
“They are slightly enlarged, I am pretty sure you have a stone”, she said. “Oh!” , I replied (my voice barely audible to myself).
Her next few words put me off a bit.
“Take of your pants please Siva”. My heart jumped a beat, I mean...its...its...its...weird..no...awkward...you know...you are a guy...and well...but....you get it right.


..........To Be Continued

The First War of Tutorials

DISCLAIMER: Mutual funds are subject to market risk, so please read the offer document carefully before investing. All characters and events in this story—even those based on real (not reel) people—are entirely fictional. The following story contains coarse language and due to its content should not be read by anyone. So f*** u...and don't blame me...


Tutor: Well the public and private scoping of functions is a complex thing to understanding....Prof Martin would u like to elaborate...
(Prof Martin raises his head...casts a piercing glance at the tutor.{who faints at the spot and starts foaming at the mouth...but who cares....we'll just get another tutor}....walks to the board..and teaches..... at the very end of his explanation...)
Prof Martin: If a function is not defined as public...it becomes a private by default...any questions (with a satisfied tone of having accomplished something...worth accomplishing)???
Aaditya Bhasin: (raises his confident and well practiced hand)....When u don’t declare a function as public it becomes private by default right Professor....
(the Professor nods his head in agreement.....basking in the glory of actually being able to teach something to us blockheads....) BUT WHAT IF??...(the tension in the room goes up a notch....everyone expects this student to question the unquestionable....and shake the very foundations of modern Java Programming...akin to the Hurricane that destroyed the dinosaurs even when they were at the height of their Jurassic glory {damn it ... I don’t believe in the stupid meteor theory....so f*** u!!!} )
(Acknowledging the mob's interest....our protagonist raises his hand again to silence the mobs...just as Anthony (of the Julius Ceaser fame) had done....except...our hero had the ears of his friends countrymen and Singaporeans..(there were unfortunately no Romans)...)
Aaditya Bhasin: WHAT IF ...I don't declare the function as private then what happens???
(We expected a hurricane that would kill a T‐Rex....but we got a ‘fart’ that wouldn't kill a new born mosquito....damn it...or so we thought.....an old bearded man once said...think it was Confucius ...but you can’t be too sure with bearded men.... “Poison to the wise, are the unwise...so go away before you kill me...and stop writing down every damn thing I say; you little bag of....(the rest of the manuscript is lost....but we got Indiana Jones to get it back....as soon as his treatment for arthritis is completed this August...)” ).
PS: (Oh yeah our CS1102S classes have been suspended till Prof Martin gets better...he met a similar fate as his faithful tutor...both lay wounded ...as casualties...of The First War of Tutorials)
PPS: Beware Profs...and Tutors...Aaditya wants more.....quoting him (i.e. he must have said it at some point in time ...) "Bring it on Bitch"...
PPPS: You might wonder how come I survived this massacre....simple...I don’t pay attention in class.... :)