Inky Pinky Ponky

Inky Pinky Ponky

Let me begin with the incident which led to my astounding theory (which I promise to dwell on at a later stage…the story is not too long!). The tale begins a year back. As is the habit of most prestigious educational institutions in the world, our school also organized various competitions where other schools are provided with a chance to show off their prowess.

Generally quizzing is considered a competition for the meek, brainy and contemplative. It is too! But it is a different picture at school quizzes, where the students growl at their oppositions, punch the air with such vigour as was last seen at Madison Square Garden when Mohammad Ali took down his opponents.

At one of these quizzes I and my good friend Soumya were left out and we decided to sit in the crowd and watch our rather illustrious school team having a bad day and being kicked out of their own quiz. In any case there was a particular round during that quiz where you were given 3 clues about some person, if you guessed who that person was with only one clue you made a large number of points (40 if I am not wrong), you would get 20 points for getting it on the second clue and 10 on the third clue, if you can’t get the answer after 3 clues sadly you are awarded no points.

In any case there was this question: “In World War 1, this person invented some sort of gun with the help of which you could shoot from planes without shooting your own rotary blades in the front of the aircraft.”

For some odd reason I whispered to Soumya, “I think it is Roland Garros”. Even after the third question the team couldn’t guess what the answer was, though the third question gave it away (you have a tennis stadium named after this person…the team, I remember said Rod Laver…sheesh!).

Soumya was pretty darned startled after which he congratulated me on a good answer, but he didn’t give it a second thought….nor did I; until now.

All my pals with whom I gave my entrance exam mock tests were always pretty unhappy with me because I had the uncanny habit to nearly always guess correctly, my success rate is about 60%, which is a high percentage considering the mathematical probability being 25% and the statistical probability being 17.89%.

My friends inquired into my methods, though I never could come up with a satisfactory answer, I think I have found the core concept which guides one to the correct answer in multiple answer questions.

I wish to christen my hypothesis, “Ha Ha Gotcha!” A weird name but to many smart readers it might have already shown where my thoughts lead me.

Let us discuss in detail,

1. Why is one asked a question?

Ans: Simple. To see if one knows the answer.

When one gets a very easy sum in physics at IITJEE, one that requires no concept, just solving of an equation, look closer, you are missing something for sure. Why would IIT give you something so simple, they are supposed to be merciless, why this act of compassion? Look at the answer, which of the answers is the weirdest; in a tough exam like IITJEE I am willing to bet that it is the answer.

Remember this does not work well for AIEEE, but certainly for IITJEE, ISI, NTU and so on.

Next point; remember every quiz master wants applause (since his quizzing days are over anyway!), similarly every paper setter wants appreciation, wants you to know that his concepts are clearer than yours. Every time you get a theory question, look closely it is bound to be a well known exception to a common rule, again you should look at the answers for guidance.

Just remember these two things, combine these two facts with your knowledge (though incomplete, as the case may be) you are well on your way to guessing glory.

P.S. you can differentiate the options…not worth integrating!!!

IITJEE COUNSELLING

IITJEE COUNSELLING (2007)…an essay by a five thousand something

I am mailing this to you, because I think you might find this rather weird procedure…well…rather intriguing.

As you might have guessed IIT has its own way of counseling…what did you expect that IIT would stoop to standards set by the “other” universities…no way! IIT has its own unique (patented I think!) way of counseling students. To explain better I will compare this procedure with other established school of thoughts.

The so called “doosra” colleges use an entrance exam to select suitable candidates with enough merit so as to not be a dark blotch on the name of the institution. Then they cordially invite the chosen candidates with one parent/guardian to accompany them to a centre. They are told to bring a ‘nominal’ percentage of the fees as a pledge of goodwill and other documents that prove that you are you and that you studied in your school and that you by some fluke as inexplicable as the very cosmos managed to pass with the requisite minimum marks.

Then you are called to the desk of the “counselor” in increasing order of rank and you talk with the counselor and you discuss the weather, where your school is, how you make the journey from your residence to the school and even the course you might want to study at the college. As soon as you are granted a seat in some course immediately a seat is reduced in that course and a projector shows on a large screen what are the courses left and how many seats are left in that course.

It has comedy, suspense, drama, tears (both happy and sad), songs (if you have a music player on your mobile or/and you have the financial means to buy an i-Pod). In fact it has every element of a Bollywood blockbuster.

Waiting with your parent, you see that computer science seat that you longed for being taken away from you by some bespectacled youth who was experiencing sunshine for the first time this millennia (you smile at the fellow when his gaze meets yours but in your heart you cry out “kuthe kamine main tera khoon pi jaonga”), then finally realizing that computer science is really for nerds and one settles for mechanical engineering…it is in short a never before seen Karan Johar production.

You come out of the counseling session a changed man/woman. ‘You are no more a boy/girl’ reminds your father/mother/annoying relatives/neighbours/teachers/and everyone who knows you or is under the false impression that they know you. Indeed as stressed by everyone you realize that these are the first footsteps towards your career (Wow!).

Now let us see the modus operandi of the IIT counseling. You know there is one thing that just oozes out of everything that IIT does. It is their methodology, planning and strict conformity to their self written rules which they never bend, forget break. When you tried to use the IIT brochure to fill in the form you find it exact, well planned without any ambiguities and discrepancies (the West Bengal Joint Entrance Exam had only 4 mistakes in their sample form that they so considerately had in their brochure to guide us). The same is also to be said in their planning for their counseling brochure it consists of the number of seats in each branch offered by any of the IITs/IT-BHU/ISMU with the opening and closing ranks to give you a idea of what you would have a chance of getting. At the back they have three forms that you have to fill, they consist of two forms that require general information about you and your school results and the third one is a medical certificate that a general physician is to fill up. Note here that all other counseling institutions just tell you to get a medical certificate without mentioning any details; in short the doctor’s certificate may as well look like this,

To whomever it may concern,

Mr.XXXXX is in blooming health, with rosy cheeks and a twinkle in his eyes. I think he is all set to live a hundred years.

Cheers,

Dr.Bean

The IIT certificate has specific columns for your doctor to fill up which inquire not only into the general health of the candidate but also into specifics that may or may not hamper his career in Engineering.

I forgot to mention the most interesting thing, there is a fourth form. Where you are to list all the courses that you are not really offended by and are ready to pursue if need be at an IIT, these you list in decreasing order of preference (there is no cap to the number of options you want to list). Armed with other certificates to prove your identity you reach the IIT at exactly the mentioned time (In the name of God please don’t be late…) where a person checks if your forms and certificates are in order after which he punches in your choices into the computer and prints it, you sign it and leave (on the double…don’t wait for him to give you a good bye kiss or to shout ‘next’ in order to expedite your exit).

The computer which has the choices of all the candidates uses an algorithm, no doubt written by an IITian, to fill in all the places in the different courses using 2 parameters your All India Rank and your preference, the results are published 7 days letter. That is it! You are either in or not.

You feel jumpy those seven days I suppose but it is nothing in comparison to the tension you feel when you can actually see your fate mocking you on a wall magnified and projected to your peers and more shamefully to your parents.

A fellow once told me “Sometimes you feel proud when you see you are different, when you experience that you are beyond the scope of the ordinary, that you are untouchable, you get that feeling often when you are from IIT”.

“Are you an IITian?” I asked him eagerly, he replied, “No, but my elder brother is!” That is an example of how much IIT intoxicates the modern Indian youth, just to have a close relative in IIT infuses a pride into our existence, it is the pride of knowing that the blood that courses through their veins (and arteries) is very nearly the same as ours.

It is the fact that in IIT you are one out of .25 million (considering IIT has 4000 seats and we have a population of a billion) that makes you special, and it is these special youths that make IIT special.

The End…

P.S. I wrote this article because I know my rank wont give me a goodish branch at IIT so I though I might as well poke fun at them, but the more I wrote the more the ingenious nature of their counseling procedure lured me into praising the system. What I wanted to say was that they were too smart for their own good, but I ended up saying Wow! You guys are so cool! Some wise bearded man (Confucius I think, can’t be too sure with bearded men) once said “Throw not dog poop aiming to hit the stars lest the poop fall on your own face, and you stink…bad”. I don’t know about you but I second that opinion.

P.P.S. Those who think I stole the title from Chetan Bhagat; I have one thing to tell them “Kuthe kamine main tera khoon pi jaonga!”

----------------R.SIVASANKAR

Formerly of St.James’ School

Currently of nowhere.